Should I get a new dad jacket?

So, I am thinking about changing the name of this blog to Dad Jacket. You see, I think there should be something in a name. Not that Six Square is totally without meaning. In my mind, I like the idea of having four children. Four - a square number. With two parents, that makes six. And whether or not we get there is really anyone's guess, but maybe it will serve as a small reminder of what -- at one point in my life -- sounded like a nice idea. That, and the fact that the number six squared equals 36, the age at which I will have a much better idea than I do now of whether our family will reach this size.

That said, I can't help but like the jacket metaphor, somewhat akin to being a man of many hats, except that one only has a few jackets. Just like you have your favourite jacket that -- depending on whether or not you are into fashion -- says alot about you, is perfect for any occasion etc. You know, in the spirit of children adding to your identity. Plus, the Blogfather was already taken.

Or if the fashion metaphor disagrees with you please feel free to think of it as a book jacket. Which, at first blush it may be slightly more apt if you think of the role of the modern parent as being one of holding the chapters of a child's life together. But perhaps most of all. I think Dad Jacket is catchy.

Oh... and the word jacket will probably make me chuckle for the rest of my life, or more precisely, when it's pronounced yacket. You know, like they say in Sweden. Well maybe you don't and I mean no disrespect. But its really only funny because most Swedes speak English better than many North Americans. But every now and again while living in Sweden I would here someone drop a "y" in place of a "j". Like I am so yealous of your yogging yacket.

All of which is to say, I need your help. New dad jacket? I can't decide. So please let me know, with comments, or emails or on the facebook. Whichever you prefer. I hope you enyoy thinking about it.

Alpine Style Parenting

The Alpine Style falls somewhere between the extremes of the post-modern "go-anywhere parenting" and the more traditional, "all children should be kept on strict schedules" approach. In addition to sounding hip (who doesn't want to say they are down with Alpine Style parenting?), the Alpine Style is on the verge of becoming the hottest trend in contemporary fatherhood.

Truth be told, the Alpine style refers to a specific approach I take to heading out with my son on tour in town and in the hills, rather than a philosophical approach to parenting. I borrow the term Alpine Style from the world of mountaineering (thanks to Uncle Matty for the heads up), where climbers undertake their pursuit while carrying all of their gear, and therefore only the absolute essentials, to summit. This somewhat minimalist approach is in contrast to the Expedition Style which -- according to our good friends at Wikipedia -- involves stocked camps along the route, fixed ropes and the use of supplemental oxygen; in other words, gear... lots of it.

The shear breadth and diversity of stuff available to assist with the task of parenting is, quite simply, astonishing. And for some reason, contemporary parenting (myself included) somehow requires that we have all of it on hand, everywhere we go, at all times. Your double-wide bike trailer style stroller serves as an urban basecamp, with one child inside, and plenty of room for everything you couldn't possibly imagine being without. Like, maybe you're the type of person who prefers to shop by lifestyle, and you need all the equipment that justifiably suits your lifestyle. If so you will need to decide whether you are either (a) an organic and earth friendly, (b) a classic, (c) an experienced, (d) a city, (e) a trendy, or (f) a working mom. I'm not kidding you. These are the actual lifestyle categories you have to choose from at a certain babies r us store; that is, if you happen to be a mom.

Unfortunately, no lifestyle shopping choices are available to us dads (sigh). Where I am supposed to go for all those things I never knew I needed that also happen to align with the stylized version of myself? I guess we are on our own. Say what you will about commercialism and such, but as far as I can tell the dad market is pretty much wide open. Sure we have the bike trailers and the child carriers for getting us outside, but that's about it.

So into this void steps Alpine Style parenting. To be fair, the amount of baby gear you carry with you will correspond to the length of your outing, but not all trips need be expeditions. The basic premise of alpine style mountaineering is that exposure = risk. Similarly for alpine style parenting, the more time spent on the boring and mundane -- packing and unpacking, set up and take down -- the less fun it is for everyone. The more light and nimble you are, the better equipped you are to take advantage of opportunities to get while the getting's good, and as is sometimes necessary, beat a hasty retreat. No diaper bags, no strollers, no battery powered bottle warmers. Really, the contemporary father needs little more than a decent pair of cargo shorts to carry all of his child's needs and maybe even less if he equips himself with knowledge of his child's bowel movements. So the next time you consider whether to head out equipped as a classic, experienced or trendy father, just rock it Alpine Style.

Never gonna give your teen spirit up

Last Tuesday night I drove to Montreal (and back to Ottawa the same night) to celebrate a friend's birthday. I figured four hours driving + four hours hanging out with an old friend sipping Beck's sans alcool is pretty much an honest day's work, unless you're in France. And since I was in New France I guess you could say I even managed an hour of overtime. This is the kind of friend I like to think I am.

I have always been somewhat suspicious of what Dave Eddie refers to as the "indelible social stigma of the stay-at-home dad". Pop culture supports this notion (Mr. Mom anyone?) but still, I am yet to find much evidence of this. I think this idea brought me to thinking about a social experiment of sorts. I thought I would tell my fellow birthday partiers that I was a stay at home Dad (SAHD) but not let on that I was merely on parental leave from my job. I figured it might be interesting to gauge reaction to the SAHD from a group of fellow Millenials whom I was meeting for the first time and were all part of the childfree set. But I decided that keeping harmless information from good people in a social setting in the name of some pseudo test case was silly. And I don't think it really would of mattered much. What I found was earnest curiosity and genuine interest in my situation, and a distinct lack of anything resembling derisive indifference. Conversation was mostly about how society treats a stay at home dad, navigating the world of modern parenthood, etc. but most interesting was how seamlessly the subject of parenthood fit within, and across a variety of subjects with a group of people who - let's be honest - would decidedly not be talking about kids if pops from Ottawa wasn't in the room. Luckily for me though, I find most people are pretty happy to talk about the parallel universe that is parenthood.

Because I am relatively new to the dad thing, I try to be conscious of not only talking about child-related subjects. I like to think I have lots to say about many things, but in fairness, fatherhood is really the only thing that ever inspired me to start a blog. As you may or may not be aware, Corrine Maier's No Kids: 40 good reasons not to have children was published in English this week to a somewhat predictable response, generating plenty of discussion much like it did in France where it was first released in 2007 (CBC Radio's Q had an interesting discussion on this August 5). Among the 40 reasons: "you will lose your identity and become just mom or dad". Although the author admits the book is "50% provocation and 50% a serious book about legitimate questions people ask themselves", how much of your former identity you either lose, let go of, or gleefully abandon is ultimately up to you.

Because raising kids is so all-consuming, it shouldn't be all that surprising to find people struggling to maintain what you could call their childfree identity. Especially in a time where people are waiting longer and longer to have kids - I think we probably have stronger ideas about the type of person we are at 35 than we do at 25. Which might make it all that much harder to let go of. Still, I prefer to think children add to your identity. And at its heart I think Corrine Maier's book is simply arguing that we all could be a bit more frank about the challenges and frustrations of raising kids these days. Did you ever see the Oprah episode The Truth About Motherhood? No? Well neither did I. But I am told this episode made it pretty clear (and not always intentionally) that we all still have a ways to go; even if everything seems just peachy and progressive from where I sit.

Then again, at times I am reminded that I just may live in a bit of a bubble here in the Nation's capital. Living in a place where almost everyone is a civil servant, pretty much all the men in town are entitled to much of the same deserved benefits as women. For them, taking parental leave at 93% salary is pretty much a no-brainer. Within roughly the last five years more and more men have been taking leave, and as result everyone thinks its pretty cool. For instance, when any of my male colleagues learned I was taking parental leave, their responses varied from: "good times, summer vacation" to "wow, I sure wish I had that option when my kids were young". Okay, so its not exactly summer vacation but I do have the opportunity to take two naps a day, hang out in parks, take long walks etc.

But wait, wasn't this supposed to be about the struggle to maintain your identity once you become a parent? In which case, I would like to dedicate this mashup to all of you out there who are never gonna give your teen spirit up: